I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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