U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
