So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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