my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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