I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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