Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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