now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
