Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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