you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
