Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
COCAINE IS GR8
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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