He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
