I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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