I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
