im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
