I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
