I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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