I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
