yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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