if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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