What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
