i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
