I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
