Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
