trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
