I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
