So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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