Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
