I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
