I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
