At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
