im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
two words...techno handjob
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize