my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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