So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
