Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
