Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize