Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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