im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I understand Curling. That high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
