he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Alive.
So much puke
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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