my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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