i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
