On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
