Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
