i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
