My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
