Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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