I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
