accomplished twins. life is a go
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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