I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
