Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
