it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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