I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
