I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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