My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
foreskin is a definite game changer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
