Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
