If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
