Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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