I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
