I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
