You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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