he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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