Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
