ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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