ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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