how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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