I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
