Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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