i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
50% drunk capacity currently
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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