i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
