I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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