So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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