His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
