he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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