First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Still dying that you shit outside
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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