That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
