NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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