one might say we're banned from that church
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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