There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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