my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
