Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
