I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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