Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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