Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
