Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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