Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm always down for nudity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
