This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
