i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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